I weep for her now,
That girl I hated.
The one who dreamed of death
Of escape
Of freedom.

Why did I hate her so?
Because she couldn’t hear?
Couldn’t see?
Wouldn’t feel?
That girl, all alone and beloved.

How could she,
How could she know?
When all she did was diffuse
Refuse
Abuse her world?

Afraid of beauty
Because she might be seen.
Afraid of sound
Because she might be heard.
Hating her cherished solitude.

She closed her eyes and dreamed
Of blades,
Fists,
Of rope.
And I hated her.

She opened her eyes and shrugged her shoulders.
One foot in front of the other.
Take what’s given.
Never ask for more.
I hated her.

Content to her shrivel
Inside the prison she’d built,
She closed her eyes and dreamed.
Like a trick knot,
Pull the ends and let me disappear.

God, please.
Just let me disappear.

But she didn’t.

In spite of me,
She breathes, she sees, she hears.
She’s learned to dream.
In spite of me,
She lives.